Sometimes a thing needs working through. Last night I talked about how I haven’t really been feeling the portraits, the pull, the outlet, the need.

That’s exactly the point. This is a space where I can slip into the stillness effortlessly. When I step in front of the camera, the blank canvas and emptiness I feel is not a loss. Just the opposite. It is an awakening, an opening.

Part of this journey for me has been learning to let go of emotion. To be free of emotion. Not in the sense that I walk around like a robot without feeling or understanding of emotion.

Rather I move through this space with out attachment to the emotions. I feel them, I recognize and accept them, I revel in them. But I am not controlled by them. They flow through me, I am a conduit for this flow, and in this way I feel more and am more free than ever before.

With this freedom I am more open to the love and energy of others, friends like @iamchanelle, @jsahwback and @katost. Thank you my friends.

I’m not really feeling it lately when it comes to my portraits. It’s something I can look at in two ways.

It is something that I could push through, soldier on regardless of how I feel

Or it is something that is no longer right for me to pursue.

I certainly don’t believe that I’ve learned all there is to learn about myself, but it seems that right now this is not the way for me to learn.

I am following my instincts on this and will take portraits when it feels right, as I focus on writing and drawing.

I’m looking at my body a lot. Since last July I’ve lost over 60 pounds (I don’t have an accurate figure since we don’t have a scale anymore) In terms of things my body isn’t perfect, but I don’t actually care. I feel great all the time, I continue to pursue yoga which benefits my mind, body and spirit together which I find more fulfilling than the body centric work I did at the gym when I first started.

I love this feeling, and I love knowing that as I continue to be mindful with my body and care for it, I will be happy, healthy and live a life full of capability and joy.

I was having a bit of fun today, enjoying some odd angles.

I was very tired after my first day back to work last Friday. I was returning after a 6 week medical leave.

I am very captivated by this part of my body right now, it keeps drawing me in despite attempts to further the exploration. Like I’m being pulled down the rabbit hole.